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Random Musings
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 Title photo done in Canva I have been a stay-at-home mom since the summer of 2007. I love my job. But there’s always been a silent, nagging enemy sitting on my shoulder. Guilt. He rears his ugly head and tries to convince me my decision to be at home is wrong and I should get a “real” job. It’s grown larger since my son entered kindergarten in 2013. Who was I to be at home when both of my kids were in school and my husband was working all day? Maybe it’s the hidden stigma of working at home. People assume you have nothing better to do with your time because you don’t actually “work” and can shift those responsibilities around because you do have flexibility. I read a great article about the stigma from Enteprenuer Magazine titled “4 Things No One Tells You About ‘Entrepreneur-ing’ From Home.” There’s a hidden expectation when your kids are school-aged and you’ve been a stay-at-home mom, you return to the workforce. I go back and forth between this often, sometimes allowing it to consume me to the point I don’t get anything done. It feeds my depression and anxiety. Guilt has often determined my worth as a mother and wife. I’ve let guilt convince me the decision I made to be home was wrong. What was I doing to myself by leaving the workforce? Were my kids really gaining anything by me being home? Why wasn’t I contributing financially? How could I focus on my writing when I didn’t have the means to help fund it by working?  Photo by FirmBee via Pixabay CC Somewhere along the way I convinced myself I had to make money outside of the home to make my family better, to make me better. If I was contributing financially I would be helping out. If I made more money I wouldn’t feel so guilty for being at home, especially now with writing, art, living with mental illness and chronic pain. The doctor bills often pile up, which is hard to process when I feel like I'm not contributing to the income. Deep down, truth is, this is where I’m supposed to be. I feel it in my soul, knowing my “calling” as some may say. Being here to play a game with my kids after school or know they’ve had a bad day and I’m there for them is important to me. Being able to spend quality time with them instead of frazzled, unconnected time (which would be the case for me if I returned to the workforce) is important to me. Spending quality time with my husband is important to me. Being here with my family and for my family is important to me.  Photo by Christy Zigweid - All Rights Reserved I have been truly blessed in this life and it’s time I start owning that. What do I do for a living? I’m a writer, mother, wife, card maker, scrapbooker, amateur artist, and blogger. Period. All of those things are where my talents lie. My passion is giving to my family, where I want and need to be. It is where I feel connected and worthy. For me, writing, making crafts, doing art, and taking care of my family is the thing I HAVE to do. Without it my life would be incomplete. And when I find myself leaning toward doubt and whether I made the wrong decision, I just remind myself, I am living my calling. What are your thoughts about following your own path and being being a stay-at-home mom/working mom? Let me know in the comments section or send a private message using my CONTACT ME page. If you are in crisis and need immediate medical assistance, call 911 or the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273- (TALK) 8255 or text "Start" to 741-741
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