 Title photo done in Canva I have been a stay-at-home mom since the summer of 2007. I love my job. But there’s always been a silent, nagging enemy sitting on my shoulder. Guilt. He rears his ugly head and tries to convince me my decision to be at home is wrong and I should get a “real” job. It’s grown larger since my son entered kindergarten in 2013. Who was I to be at home when both of my kids were in school and my husband was working all day? Maybe it’s the hidden stigma of working at home. People assume you have nothing better to do with your time because you don’t actually “work” and can shift those responsibilities around because you do have flexibility. I read a great article about the stigma from Enteprenuer Magazine titled “4 Things No One Tells You About ‘Entrepreneur-ing’ From Home.” There’s a hidden expectation when your kids are school-aged and you’ve been a stay-at-home mom, you return to the workforce. I go back and forth between this often, sometimes allowing it to consume me to the point I don’t get anything done. It feeds my depression and anxiety. Guilt has often determined my worth as a mother and wife. I’ve let guilt convince me the decision I made to be home was wrong. What was I doing to myself by leaving the workforce? Were my kids really gaining anything by me being home? Why wasn’t I contributing financially? How could I focus on my writing when I didn’t have the means to help fund it by working?  Photo by FirmBee via Pixabay CC Somewhere along the way I convinced myself I had to make money outside of the home to make my family better, to make me better. If I was contributing financially I would be helping out. If I made more money I wouldn’t feel so guilty for being at home, especially now with writing, art, living with mental illness and chronic pain. The doctor bills often pile up, which is hard to process when I feel like I'm not contributing to the income. Deep down, truth is, this is where I’m supposed to be. I feel it in my soul, knowing my “calling” as some may say. Being here to play a game with my kids after school or know they’ve had a bad day and I’m there for them is important to me. Being able to spend quality time with them instead of frazzled, unconnected time (which would be the case for me if I returned to the workforce) is important to me. Spending quality time with my husband is important to me. Being here with my family and for my family is important to me.  Photo by Christy Zigweid - All Rights Reserved I have been truly blessed in this life and it’s time I start owning that. What do I do for a living? I’m a writer, mother, wife, card maker, scrapbooker, amateur artist, and blogger. Period. All of those things are where my talents lie. My passion is giving to my family, where I want and need to be. It is where I feel connected and worthy. For me, writing, making crafts, doing art, and taking care of my family is the thing I HAVE to do. Without it my life would be incomplete. And when I find myself leaning toward doubt and whether I made the wrong decision, I just remind myself, I am living my calling. What are your thoughts about following your own path and being being a stay-at-home mom/working mom? Let me know in the comments section or send a private message using my CONTACT ME page. If you are in crisis and need immediate medical assistance, call 911 or the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273- (TALK) 8255 or text "Start" to 741-741
0 Comments
 Image by AnnieSpratt via Pixabay CC Sometimes parenting is fun and sometimes it’s downright hard. Above all it’s a learning experience. My kids teach me something every day. Sometimes they help me see something I’ve been denying about myself. Sometimes they show me I am being too serious and need to lighten up. But today I wanted to share 5 things they taught me not to take for granted. 1. Honesty can be goodKids are brutally honest. They have no shame or filter in speaking their minds when they feel like it and don’t care how it affects you (especially when they are young). Sometimes what they say can be a rude awakening and there’s no denying on a deep level within ourselves what they say strikes a nerve. Sometimes it’s something we don’t expect and other times it’s something we know deep inside but are denying. Sometimes it cuts to the bone and other times we can laugh it off. But the real lesson for us is to be honest. Be honest with ourselves and when appropriate be honest with those around us. Be honest (always within reason) because telling a lie or denying the truth causes much more internal damage. Most of all, be honest because it’s the right thing to do. 2. Playing rejuvenates the soulIt’s a shame as a society when our kids hit a certain age they are seen as “too old” to play with toys. When my daughter was 12 she was right on the line of still being a kid and not yet a teenager. She liked to play with toys but also wanted more grown-up responsibilities and things to do. It’s sad she felt ashamed to admit such a carefree activity to her classmates because they will make fun of her. Play is a way for kids to be creative and use problem solving skills; things they will certainly need as they get older. But why do we as a society force this on our kids? I love to watch kids play, use their problem solving skills, and be creative, even if they are “beyond playing with toys.” Isn’t the true lesson for us to slow down and make sure we take time to “play?” Although we may not play with toys (even if some do, there’s nothing wrong with that — I love to color and watch cartoons!) it is important for us to take time to relax and do what is good for recharging our batteries. 3. Laughter is truly the best medicineThere is nothing more joyous than watching a child giggle about silly things. My son cracks up laughing because he remembers a face his sister made when she accidentally dropped her whole apple in apple dip. They laugh with gusto and they laugh until their stomachs hurt. Sometimes it’s so easy to get wrapped up in life and forget to just take time out to enjoy and laugh. 4. Love myself for who and what I am Most of the time I see it in younger kids. They don’t care if their clothes don’t match or their hair is a little messy. They aren’t out to prove to be someone or something else they are not. Have you ever noticed that little kids don’t worry about looking in the mirror and when they do it’s to laugh and make faces? They aren’t sitting there worrying about every little thing they hate about themselves. They are who they are and they do not apologize for that. 5. They are people tooThis is perhaps the hardest one and the biggest lesson I needed to learn. We get so wrapped up in teaching our children all of the values and ways to be in life as well as worrying about being a good parent that sometimes we forget our kids have feelings too. In my house we are firm believers in “treat others as you wish to be treated.” And I believe this goes both ways. If you treat your kids with respect they are more willing to treat you with respect as well. Life is forever a journey into the soul. It will never be without learning and growing. I am blessed every day to have kids who remind me what is true and good in this world and give me the wake-up call I sometimes refuse to give myself. What things have your kids taught you? I’d love to hear in the comments section below!
|
Photos used under Creative Commons from Alessio Rolleri, MorseInteractive
